Billionth times.... Stop me plz

Staring at blank space to stop me wondering which part of mine is missing...
Before I could do something it fade away taking a part of me. It says it never matters its just phase I believed but its so untrue I so damn want it every second, the moment passed and the moment to come. it says there will be many possibilities but how can I grab those when I don't want them without it.
I told myself for billionth times that it was not for me but still end up wanting it. I had so many reasons to give up  but never could as it says
" Heart wants what it wants"
Walking like dead now.... Stop me plz