Frozen and still

Darkness consumed my eyes, head clogged from what I don't know its just the voice am familiar with. Yes I know this voice, I love this voice then again I can't see him.
Am confused same voice but two different ways
One voice shouts out loud at me shuddering me and screaming, " why you are silent? Shout out fuck off to all. No need to worry. I am with you. I will screw all and I love you and we are best frends. You don't need to face pain for any thing, jst be happy and fun. " This made my heart beat for him, I love him too but I can't hear my voice just felt relaxed as if some weight has been lifted from me.
Again too much darkness, can't see but same voice, am relieved am nt alone and this time I will shout like he said. No, he said, " Sshh... Don't shout, stay silent, you have to face pain. Sshhh its OK its normal...I want u. I again feel the shudder bt its hurting me dont kno why...sshhh... It happens with all, you have to be strong. The pain will give you fun else you are worthless. Sshhh..... Sshhh I love you.... U have to struggle hard baby, show some blood.. Sshhh...

Frozen and still....