Is there any world for me whr my life will no longer be angry on me?

Life's strange at one time its with you very happily and other time its just put u outthere as a convict. Every morning I woke up try not to see myself on mirror cuz itz the only mirror who tells exactly how you look and wat you are. I hate the reflection but love myself or both...........sounds confusing as I am.
Firstly I screwed my life by loving some one more than myself and for years and then Life screwed me by making me almost not eligible for that guy, he may say yes and I forever be saying NO.......wat a trauma.. Feeling of love is the most beautiful experience but the feeling of not getting it is equally worse.
I am trying just trying..........
I can't say, can't speak out wat I feel so Iam sitting alone and begging for a world whos not tht painful to me